True Life: I'm a Control Freak

The main reason I chose to go the natural / midwifery / out of hospital birth is because simply put - I want to be in control. I did my research of local hospitals to see what they "allowed" when it came to labor and birth and it scared the crap out of me! I know assumption is the biggest error trap but I know that feeling out of control would make me tense and stressed, causing "failure to progress" which would ultimately lead to a c-section in our local hospital where the c-section rate is nearly 40%. 

Truth be told: I'd rather lock myself in our bathroom and come out when the kid gets here than be surrounded by a bunch of people telling me what's best and what to do and putting their fingers / hands in places they would normally never be. But I don't think that's an option for us - as both first time parents and rational humans that realize something may just go horribly wrong with no warning. 

I hope my midwives never find this blog because I'm still waffling on pulling the whole "Hi, (insert midwife on call) I wasn't sure if it was the real thing or not, so I kind of waited to call.... and now I kind of have the kid in my arms already..." But time and my pain management will have to determine that one. Of course my realist and rational husband is screaming in my ear "YOU'RE CRAZY WOMAN!" But it might just coincide with when he's at work too, sooooooo...

Bottom line - I chose an out of hospital birth to feel like I had more control of the situation. Now, while I feel more in control than I would be, I'm not satisfied. Due to malpractice and putting safety of the mother and child above all else, our Birth Center still has a lot of rules as to what you can and can't do concerning labor and delivery. I don't know that I ever wanted to do some of the things that are "not allowed" but it's like telling me not to think about purple elephants. True, I probably never would have even THOUGHT about hanging upside down from the ceiling rafters to try to speed up labor, but now that you told me it's forbidden... I kind of want to! (Completely random thought up example - I assure you I will not and don't want to hang from the rafters during labor)

I don't know what it will take for me to feel like I am truly in control over the situation (especially seeing that I've never done this and therefore have no clue what to expect) but I am damn well determined to find out.