Thursday, March 15, 2012

PPD (or something like that)

I use the term "PPD" loosely because I think it's a diagnosis that is given wayyy to generously to perfectly normal postpartum women. I'm not going to lie though- it was rough there for a while.

I found myself with absolute horrid dreams and what I like to call "day terrors." dreams where boiling water was cascading down onto LO and I couldn't get to her. day dreams where while driving across the bridge we go over the side and LO doesn't know better to hold her breath and takes in lungfuls of water.

of course no mother wants to display the fact that she has such horrible thoughts so I let them to myself. until my other new mom friend disclosed that she also suffers from these I thought it was something I alone struggled with.

once I realized I was not alone I began asking all of my mommy friends, in which they all disclosed the same experiences. I can live with only 2 hour chunks of sleep. I can deal with the thrush that we just can't shake. I can deal with a messy house. but I can't deal with these terrifying scenarios constantly running through my head. I'm thankful for those who sat and listened. I'm thankful for the little girl who wakes me up screaming at night.